Blog Paula Montal Ikastetxea

Fundación Educativa Escolapias

Blog Paula Montal Ikastetxea - Fundación Educativa Escolapias



It has past a long time since I saw him for the first time. It was the best feeling of my life, the first one, I would dare to say.
Since that moment everything changed, and I won´t say that my life turned around completely and that I got in love at first sight, because it wouldn´t be true. Things changed, very slowly.
So slowly that days passed by and I even don´t realize it. But, I didn´t care about it.
I didn´t care about lossing my time, because in all that time I learnt wonderful things, life was teaching me.
In some way I knew that, destiny placed you in my way for a reason and my job only was to find out what that reason was.
I took my job more like a game, that stop being it the day I started loving you, and I don´t know exactly when that day was. I only realized that I was loving you, when you became into the oxigen of my lungs.
Then yes, It was a very slow process I wasn´t awareness of.
It became routine the kisses, the caresses, your skin, and you.
You had turned into my life, without being awareness of what that implied psychologically.
But at that time, I didn´t care about psychology.

A caress was able to erase every argument.
I was able to forget everything with a single friction of your skin.

We weren´t constant and much less the idea people have of “the perfect couple”.
But believe me when I say that; everything by your sight was perfect.

I loved you. That much that I couldn´t consider a life without you. That much to start thinking; without you, I die.

And please, don´t think that feeling is something gorgeous, because it isn´t.
It´s love, but that´s also emotional dependence. It´s leaving your live for the other person. It´s taking out your limits and leting him go through them. It´s not respecting your freedom, it´s not respecting yourself.

In the single moment you put the other person above you, you are no longer respecting yourself. And at the same time, you are leting him know he can do whatever he wants with your body.

Behind every kiss, a lie could have been hidden. Behind every caress, an insult. And behind every night, a severe beating.
And eveything because of that; “without you I die”.

Loving you was beautiful, It was the most beautiful thing I´ve ever done.
But it hurt, it hurt every single argument, every single word coming out form our mouths, saying stupid things, with the stupid intention of hurting each other.
It hurt excessively, to me more than to you.

In some way, you filled the gap inside me, I wasn´t able to fill.
You didn´t care about anything, you didn´t care about your life, you didn´t even care about yourself.
And I promise you that something inside me broke forever the moment you made me understand that the only thing in your life you really matter, was me. It was a big reponsibility, but a responsibility I was able to assume for the rest of my life.

Everything between us was going perfect, so well that the only thing we wanted was being together. So well that the other people leftover. So well that we started to turn people away from us.

So well that when we realized how alone we were, It was to late.
We were walking on the tightrope, he was my only harness, I was his only harness.
That was the reason why it didn´t work, because we weren´t able to life each one It´s life, without exceeding limits.

It still hurt, because It hurts feeling as empty as I was before you. And I know you still love me, because I still do it so.
And I know you suffer, because I hardly ever see you coming out from your house. Because I can see your pain screams on my nightmares.
I know you suffer, because I do it so. Like I never have before.
I know my life is by your sight.
That we are destroyed one without the other.

Lets try to fill up our lifes, lets try to be happy on our own.
And lets try it again. Until we succeed.
Lets try it as many times as our strength allows us.
Forever yours;